America Has Nothing to Fear

Americans from coast to coast (and in Alaska and Hawaii, too!) can all rest easier, safe in the knowledge that the internationally dreaded

Red-State Ninja of Alabama

is protecting the heartland. Fear his pudgy trailer-park powers.

And remember kids, be sure to lick your sword clean after smiting those Evil-Doers.

Brought to you by the miracle of latest.bml, the letter "zee", and McDonald's.